Disconnected
Is every one of my shoots successful? Oh goodness, no. I wish! Do I post every shoot? Oh hell no!
In a perfect world, I would probably love to be able to reshoot almost every one of my images. With each instance there is usually always something I could improve on and learn from. Especially with self-portraiture, there is often some piece of the detail that I could have perfected. But here is where the magic often happens… When I chose a folder to work on, it comes together despite all the imperfections. When I complete an image, all the doubts and wishes to reshoot disappear as the image forms itself on my screen.
- From my first two failed attempts at creating this image...
There are some instances where I will just abandon an idea after shooting and never process it. This happens sometimes when the images do turn out the way I had hoped. More often than not though, it is the concept itself that loses its power over me and I am just not that enthusiastic to process it anymore. Sometimes just shooting a concept and expression the emotions that inspired it, is all that is necessary.
I also have a whole collection of folders waiting for processing. I could probably not shoot for a whole year and still be able to produce regular work from these folders. Many of these I am so excited to work on… if only I had the time!
Then there was this image. I reshot this image three times – something I have never done before. My first attempt was in October 2014 and I felt I just did not get the mood right due to a hectic gale force wind that was blowing while shooting. Yet the emotions behind this image kept haunting me, so I went out recently to try it again with my new 50mm lens. I did not check my settings properly (note to self: do not go out shooting with new equipment until you have tested it properly!) and totally messed up the shoot. I went out a week later and eventually got it right. A few days after that, I shot the piece of stock I needed to complete the puzzle by creating a rough (very rough) outdoor “studio” setup.
- Creating stock...
The vintage rotary dial telephone used here as a prop is actually my main home telephone. Of the four telephones in the house, it still works better than the other three more modern models put together. Well, that is after I managed to vacuum all the sea sand out of it :)
The inspiration and emotions behind this image come from a very difficult decision I had to make about a year ago to disconnect from somebody I loved. I made this decision not from a bad place, but from a place that knows that sometimes you just need to let go. That dreams sometimes take us to different places and for the briefest moment, those dreams crossed paths. I specifically used telephones to convey my concept as they are rather symbolic for a number of reasons to the inspiration of this image.
Sadly I have since had to make a few more disconnections recently, but I have learnt that life is far too short to remain connected to those that make you feel unworthy.
- Before & after processing video...
